Monday, July 16, 2012

Hater Repellant

Katt Williams says "If you got 14 haters hating on you, you need to figure out how the fuck to get to 16 before the summer get here!” 

A friend recently told me that every time she walks into a room and people turn their attention towards her, for however brief a time, she always feels uncomfortable. Always. Another girlfriend thinks people are staring at her everywhere we go...she says that they’re looking at her like she’s a ‘home wrecker.’ Both of these women are beautiful and sharp-dressed, so what’s the problem?

There was a time when I was convinced that everyone would essentially have nothing but positive things to say about me if I played my cards right; just as long as I was smart enough, funny enough, skinny enough, considerate enough, with nice hair, make-up, clothes...I think you get the picture. I’ve always owned my eccentricities, but I simultaneously overloaded my psyche with details of appearance in hopes that no one would ever utter a critical sentence with me as its subject. 
At some point though, I can guarantee that someone has talked shit about each and every one of us. The reality is that some people are gonna hate. Period.
But never fear! With this potent recipe for Hater Repellant you’ll be safeguarded from over 50 different kinds of hate including: jealousy, discouragement, competitiveness, nit-picking, deflection and many more!

Aunt Tiff’ney’s Old-Fashioned Hater Repellant:
(8) cups of understanding 
Always remember that if someone says or thinks something ugly about you, it’s because they are, in fact, insecure or discontent. Don’t take it so personally! Katt Willliams says that “haters don’t hate you, they just hate good shit, because good shit ain’t happenin’ to them!” But listen, we’ve ALL been in that position before, so let’s have a little compassion for the haters. They can’t help it!  When people are struggling to get where they want to be, they often put others down so they can move up. *whispers* they don’t know that there is plenty of room at the top for us all! *wink* 
(10) gallons of self confidence
This is not just about knowing that you’re hot, but that’s part of it. Trust me, if you believe you’re hot, then everyone else will follow suit. Guys, puff up your chest a little bit, and girls, add a little sashay to your step, and watch the magic happen. But more importantly, you have to love yourself completely. This includes loving the fact that you sometimes eat nutella out of the jar with a spoon, that your copy of Woody Allen’s ‘Manhatten’ says ‘Atlanta Fulton County Library’ on the top because you never returned it, and that God, I hope Zac Efron is in it!” is your first reaction to the making of Magic Mike 2...who are you to judge me?! Just kidding. No shame. I don’t give a....
(15) teaspoons of “I don’t give a whaaat?!”
Real Talk - a person’s opinion has no power over you unless you give it power over you. No one on this earth, or any other fucking planet, has the right to inform you of who you are. Not once. Not ever. Never. You decide who you want to be. Who you are. Who you will become. 
Positive people (to taste) 
Oprah says, “Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher.” When you have a network of people who believe in you and your dreams, come hell or high water, it is easier to block negativity from those who aren’t lucky enough to know you. 
Stir well. Apply daily.
I’ve definitely realized that what you see in the world directly reflects what you see in yourself. When I’m happy with me, I never (a) notice people looking at me with judging faces and (b) hardly ever judge others. 
My brain when I’m discontent:
“Am I too old to be wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt? That lady is looking at me like I’m a jackass.” 
“Maybe glasses AND pigtails is too much...”

“Look at that girl. She wouldn’t know what to do without that silver spoon up her ass.”
My brain when I’m at peace:
♫ ♪ La, la, laaa, la, I’m wearing my favorite shirt and I’m happy, la, la, laaaa!” 
“Good god, these azaleas are fucking beautiful!” 
“She is gorgeous. Great hair. I should tell her.”
“Look at that girl’s outfit. Sequins, purple leggings and feather fun!” 
Let your thoughts about others serve as a self-love gauge. If I find myself being critical of others I immediately turn inwardly and examine how I’m feeling about myself. I say, “Hey Tiff, are we cool? I just noticed you’re projecting a little negativity and wanted to check in...” This practice keeps me aware of my own self-love and the love I’m sending out into the universe. 
If you find yourself on the giving end of the hate exchange, you will, by default, end up on the receiving end as well. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: what you put into this world is what you receive from it. Make sure to send out love, if you want to get love in return. 
Like everything, thinking positive thoughts about others, instead of critical ones, takes practice, but before long it will be second nature. Let’s set a goal to compliment at least one person a day. We’re gonna spread so much love, y’all!
Special thanks to:

This delicious food item

God and the photographer who took this photo

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